Hi everybody,
I’m not 100% sure why I write and post this here. I’ve studying chess for about a year and I really enjoy all aspects about it... studying openings (yes, I know ;-), game collections, memorizing games, training tactics, everything, except, well, playing. At least playing online against opponents from the pool on lichess or chessdotcom. For some reason, my anxiety goes to through the absolute roof when even thinking about seeding a game. In fact I haven't played a single rapid game since December. So while I’ve been very much enjoying my journey so far, there’s always this nagging shame or sadness that I’m spending considerable amounts of time on a game I’m not actually playing.
I’ve been battling this for a while and tried various things (playing a lot of bullet to get over my fear of blundering, playing unrated games etc) but nothing really did the trick. (I discovered recently that I have an easier time playing daily games and I have been enjoying those for the past month.)
And so now I find myself in this weird spot, where I’m faced with this very basic question: what am I doing, spending my time on a game I can’t seem to play? Am I wasting my time? Am I just not cut out for playing chess?
Or is there a way for me to work through this and actually enjoy playing a casual rapid game at some point? Could I go around the problem and improve my chess enough through daily games and tactics that I no longer feel so self conscious when I play? (I have a considerably easier time losing against a 1600 rated player than being evenly matched against a 500-900 rated opponent...) Maybe if I could somehow reach 1200 I could suddenly start enjoying my games?!
Or should I just let go and appreciate the fact that nobody actually forces me to play. That I could just spend the rest of my life doing puzzles and studying game collections and let all those self-imposed expectations be damned?
To circle back to the beginning of this post: the reason why I post this here is that I have been wondering whether I should join up with the dojo here. I’ve been enjoying a lot of the content on youtube and twitch and maybe this could be a place for me to learn to play?
I apologize if I have wasted anybody’s time reading through all these ramblings. If anybody would like to leave comments, recommendations etc, please do, it’s all appreciated!
cheers and thanks again for all the great content!
Bruno
Hi Bruno, I too, as a 1,000-1,200 player (chess.com) get frustrated and ask the same questions. I've been a paid member on chess.com (old gold membership at $24 per year) since 2008, have played about 4,000 games in those years, and sometimes I love the game and at other times I hate the game.
I am the advisor of my college chess club of over 70 members and I wish I could be better at the game. I constantly promote chess dojo to my students and recommend they join because I believe in what the dojo is doing. Their cohort model, moving from level to level, video recordings, readings, longer time-controlled games, game analysis, and topics of discussion are so valuable.
What I love about chess is the friends I've made online and in my chess classes with my students. I value the time we spend together and I value how we've grown through the years. I learn so much from these interactions and I encourage you to stick chess - and to stick with the dojo.
I have no affiliation with the dojo as I'm not a paying member, but I highly recommend and admire the work they are doing. I hope to join the dojo at some point, but for now, my family finances just can't afford it at this time. You are so lucky to be a part of this cohort. I truly believe that the work of the dojo is the best cohort and training program I've seen. Go to the members in your cohort for support, that's why they are there - to learn, support, and appreciate the wonderful game of chess.
I never thought of analyzing my games until I discovered the dojo - and I've learned so much from that. I've learned so much from the dojo videos and I watch many of them over and over for inspiration and re-centering my study plan and overall knowledge base.
For me, I play mostly daily games (3-day) on chess.com but have recently started playing rapid and blitz. I find myself making blunders with blitz and I can't really learn anything from these quick games because I can't do deep thinking. Because of these short time-controls, I can't even do a blunder check with most moves. And so, I lose a lot. Yes, that is discouraging. So, I go to one of Jesse Kraai's inspirational videos and he motivates me to get back into playing. I'm almost a boomer, so he speaks to my soul.
Again, I love the work that the leaders of the chess dojo are doing. I know I would learn so much if I could afford it.
I'm on chess.com if you ever want to play, need a friend, or need a quick and inspiring comment of support; my username is bbeecher.
Your remote friend,
Brian.